The Voice of Rogersmind - Continued
I'm out of sorts today.
Is that OK for a therapist?
Of course, I'm human too and therefore just as subject to having to cope with the stuff that comes with being human. We're human beings.
Why not just humans?
Being is a loaded term. It's coming across to me as spiritual, a notion that's hard to put in rational terms. Sure it means something about "being" alive. But we don't say, dog beings or reptile beings or tree beings.
This is a huge subject; I'm only interested today in one aspect, "Who am I, really? Who are you? And whose voice is it that comes out of us"
"You ate my candy bar. You knew it was mine." Whose voice is that?
"Well, I really didn't mean to blame you, or be so mean. I don't know what got into me!"
Here's my view, though it is controversial: No, that wasn't me, or you. That's the voice of a survival mind serving a thinking mind rather than the other way around. The words, the tone, the body language all were designed to fight: The words were destructive, reactive, driven by anger that masked hurt.
This wasn't an authentic expression of feeling.
In a way that's obvious because we just know it triggers the opposite reaction from the one we would like to apologize to. An authentic expression might be, "I was really looking forward to eating that candy bar and am upset that you ate it knowing it was mine! Please don't do that again."
The tone of the first was judgmental, blaming. The second, heartfelt. The former, likely to trigger a fight; the latter, evoking forgiveness (hopefully). The first wasn't from a human "being" (the verb); it was from me or you behaving like an automaton reacting via a survival mind. The second was from a human "being" (the verb).
Being his/her authentic self.
This isn't simple but it is important, so next time I'll return to see what can be made clearer about all this and how you can benefit from make sense of it.