I Just Want Your Attention - Pt. II
Picking up where the session with Aimee and Jack left off, Jack could get an "A" in the quiz if asked to repeat what Aimee said she wants when returning home grumpy after work.
But being able to follow through as requested was another matter.
As he sat with that, "Roger, please help" look on his face, I was as compassionate for Jack as for any of us who have "been there".
"Jack," I asked, "Is Aimee's request reasonable?"
"Yes," he said, "but man, I can't imagine ever being able to contain my feelings well enough to be the guy I'd love to be in that moment."
Let's freeze the action while you pause to recall your most recent, or most painful, experience of being in shoes just like Jack's. I Just Want Your Attention illustrated Aimee and Jack's "dance", their "the more the more" predictable interchange that happens regardless of whether the trigger is a situation like this one, or whether the issue is big or little; it doesn't matter.
Returning to a familiar theme of Roger's, there's lots Aimee and Jack can do to reconnect the survival mind-thinking mind short-circuit that left both despairing that therapy can help.
It helps by showing them how to use their thinking minds - which usually are slaves to their survival minds - to reassert themselves and effectively regulate reactivity.
I'll show you how shortly.
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